Five of the best Guitar Hero videos on Youtube

A thoroughly awesome playthrough of a thoroughly awesome song. Buckethead’s Jordan, the hardest song in Guitar Hero II, was considered impossible upon until this video introduced two-handed “tapping” to Youtube audiences. Afterwards, it became apparent the song’s endless hammer-on and pull-of sequences were going to be conquered.

When people point fingers at Guitar Hero III’s ridiculous difficulty, the scapegoat is usually Through the Fire and Flames, but that song has nothing on the game’s heavy metal remix of The Devil Went Down to Georgia. When the game was released, the song was only playable in the take-turns-playing-the-hard-parts Battle Mode. Gamers complained, and the developers turned it into the hardest single-player experience the Guitar Hero franchise may ever witness.

What happens when you take a classic guitar solo and render its Guitar Hero counterpart needlessly difficult? You get a fan-made version of Van Halen’s Eruption, which only sounds pretty due to the technical limitations of these hacked note charts. When you miss every other note, the music is supposed to stop playing.

Unable to find the master track, Living Colour prepared Guitar Hero III with a Cult of Personality redux, complete with an extended guitar solo. Having Guitar Hero III’s most entertaining note chart is like being the best Republican candidate for the presidency (I don't like the direction the series is going in, sue me), but here she is, played to perfection.

You could top off a barrel with raw awesome and it wouldn’t surpass the excellence of this fan-made powerhouse.

As a bonus, the most difficult drum chart currently featured on Rock Band, combined with some pretty sweet editing.

How can one media format do so many things?

In researching the Sega CD, I found this revolution in CD-based bullshit: the CD+G format. This revolutionary format combined—get this—CD-quality sound with integrated graphics. What console developers were lucky to take advantage of this format and forge a history that would not include them? Take Wikipedia (the reliable encyclopedia anyone can edit without abandon) for what it’s worth, but here’s the list:

Among the consumer devices that play CD+G format CDs are the NEC TurboGrafx CD (a CD-ROM peripheral for the TurboGrafx 16) and Turbo Duo, the Philips CD-i, the Sega Saturn and Mega-CD (Sega CD in North America), the 3DO Interactive Multiplayer, the Commodore Amiga CD32 and CDTV, and the Atari Jaguar CD (which was an attachment for the Atari Jaguar).

All that lineup needs is a lack of commitment and bad defense and we’ve got the ultimate gaming metaphor for the New York Knicks. In the console world, expensive underachievers don’t come cheap.

Three words about World of Warcraft:

(Click the image to enlarge)

Welcome to the Next Level...I suppose...

The Sega CD should not have failed. If ever a system screamed “wasted potential”, this add-on to the Sega Genesis would have shattered glass. Game developers were using a French Restaurant to sell burgers, and believe me when I say they made you sick. The slight advantage of having hundreds of times more storage capacity than a Super Nintendo cartridge was being used to give us the scraps from Hasbro’s maddening attempt at a VHS-based gaming system. Ever played Night Trap, the full-motion video game where you stop intruders from dropping in on a pre-teen slumber party? If your neighbor is a sex-offender, you can bet he has!

By the time Sega realized Kriss Kross: Make My Video wasn’t going to be the hot Christmas toy (and God, do I pity the parents that did), the damage was irreparable. Rather than becoming top-tier titles, Lunar: Eternal Blue and The Third World War became best described as “criminally underrated”. Three years after releasing the Sega CD, Sega released the 32X (another Genesis add-on) in 1994 and the Sega Saturn in 1995. If you think today’s console market has no room for three systems, you’d be crazy to think 1995’s market had room for three from the same company. Well, Sega thought the 32X and Saturn could coexist, but that’s a lesson on 1991’s top gaming company becoming 2008’s ancient gaming history.

Looking back, it’s baffling how the media and gaming were sucked into this marriage. Certainly, sales and creativity were on no decline. After the Sega CD was unveiled at the 1992 Chicago Consumer Electronic Show, consider the blowjob the Associated Press gave the console:

Take a video game, add CD-quality sound and live-action video and mix in a few Hollywood connections. The result: a new type of home entertainment system, the latest round in the battle between video game makers Sega and Nintendo...Sega...is moving ahead with its CD-based unit, a sophisticated machine that allows manufacturers to create games using live-action as well as animated characters and backgrounds.

How did Nintendo respond to this early leap into CD gaming?

"We believe that bringing a product that offers superior playing is the key to success in this business," said Bill White, marketing director for Nintendo's Seattle-based video game decision.

Nintendo has done some smart things, but no response could have topped that one. The company has seen sex, violence and production values all try to change video games, but I’ll be damned if a good Mario game isn’t the most fun you can have with a console.

Perhaps the most bizarre snippet:

Sega and Nintendo won't be alone in the CD video game market. Sony has said it, too, will make a CD game system, Play Station, for introduction in the first half of 1993. Sony plans to make its system compatible with the Sega unit.

Cross-console functionality? Sorry Sony, I can't see you making a splash with ideas like that.

Nintendo DS: Shovelware Evolved

Ever heard of Ping Pals for the Nintendo DS? Ever see the reviews for it? THQ might want to check if Nintendo’s next portable system has a wireless chat function. That way, they won’t publish another game built around a wireless chat function. It took three years for a game to threaten the Ping Dynasty, but Diary Girl may just snatch the “Worst Game for the DS” crown.

You’re a girl on the go and need help keeping track of your busy social life. Diary Girl is the answer to all your problems! Diary Girl is the only password protected electronic journal/PDA for the Nintendo DS. It is the perfect way to organize your daily life, interact with your friends, check daily horoscopes and play mini-games.

• Avatar Creator let’s you completely customize and dress your character
• Use your journal to record secrets, remember birthdays, parties and more
• Voice chat via Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection lets you talk to your friends in real time
• Contact list lets you save your friends’ contact information, birth date and personal likes/dislikes
• Mini-games incude matching, jig-saw puzzles, personality quizzes and more

Here’s a personality quiz for you: why the hell does this shit keep getting published?

"Plastic Guitar Designed For Video Game Use Hero IV" Announced!

Note: For the purposes of this article, the actual third game in the Guitar Hero series, the half-assed and contractually obligated “Rocks the 80s”, will not be treated as though it does not exist.

Corpses are scattered from the war over Guitar Hero’s musical value (SPOILER: It’s not a real guitar), but the decidedly-average third installment didn’t stop the series from choking out video game culture. The leadup to mediocrity began with Harmonix, creators of the first two Guitar Hero games, was interested in starting a new franchise. “Evil Gaming Overlord” Activision gave them their wish, paying 175 million dollars for the Guitar Hero name. Neversoft used their Tony Hawk development skills to create Guitar Hero III, while Harmonix developed Rock Band, as published by “Evil Gaming Overlord II” Electronic Arts. Activision took a chance and now knows “the greatest rhythm game ever created” as their competition.

So today, Activision countered by announcing an all-Aerosmith version of Guitar Hero. No word on whether console gamers will adopt the expansion pack model, nor if people will still purchase anything with Aerosmith music on it. Not that Rock Band's downloadable content roster won't include entire albums from Nirvana and The Who, but I didn’t see Electronic Arts throwing a dinner social to brag about that.

If you need any indication of how bad this may turn out, consider the last video game to feature Aerosmith's legacy.

World of Warcraft is not a sport.

One double take at World of Warcraft’s community size shouldn’t leave you wondering why Blizzard wants to get their cornerstone into the professional gaming scene. If recreation is in-fact a reflection of prevailing social conditions, then the march into a computer-dominated era makes “e-sport” a no-brainer. Also, e-sport is only the second stupidest term ever invented, trailing “cyber-athlete” by a small margin.

Blizzard succeeded at creating World of Warcraft by finding ways to take a skill-less genre and dumb it down. So it may shock them to realize that a dumbed-down video game probably won’t succeed at being a pro gaming commodity, no matter how much money you throw at the effort. The company already dominates the one genre capable of producing watchable gaming, and I’ve got an entire nation willing to dispute any digression to that claim.

This course of desperation is simply greed and profit-gobbler being perpetuated as radical changes for the community to enjoy. A good competitive game has three requirements: dynamic player-versus-player interaction, a level of skill that can be measured by the casual fan, and a mode of observation that makes the game as fun to watch as it is to play. The suits are in for a sore welcome if they think World of Warcraft can achieve any of these.

Oh, it's true. It's damn true!

Anyone that has followed Kurt Angle since his 2006 departure from World Wrestling Entertainment to upstart Total Nonstop Action now knows it takes two broken necks to drive a man insane. Well cut him some slack for calling out UFC poster boy Chuck Liddell to a fight. Now, Kurt has gone on-record to call the upcoming “TNA Impact!” video game “the biggest hit of any video game ever, especially in the wrestling industry”. That’s correct, kids: Super Mario Brothers will be a fart in the wind when Midway finds a way to botch another wrestling game. He added that “[t]he game is so realistic, it looks like our television show.” That’s a relief. I’ve always wanted a game that looks like a free park attraction filmed at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. In the meantime, I’ll continue reminding myself to not watch TNA programming.

Your article sucks and I don't like it and it sucks.

I’ve stated many times that the best reception doesn’t require the best product. Enter Digg, a site that approves internet content on the basis of consumer-driven quality control. Like an article? “Digg” it. Two articles from Retrojunk.com and their 3,100 combined Diggs have caught my attention. An article on the hardest Nintendo games ever, and the best Super Nintendo games ever. These debates are the “abortion” of gaming discussion, and usually showcase the most broken keyboards and hollow death threats. The only thing that separates the linked articles from any other video gaming-related list is their propensity for suckage. If you ever want a primer on how not to write an article like this, click the links above. They’ve become the inspiration for a project I’ll have going in the future . Hey, if a horrible opinionated article can get that kind of reception, imagine what a below-average opinionated article can reap!

An open treatise to X-Box Live players:

Please stop putting “McLovin” in your name. I’m sure Superbad coughed up the funny, I’m sure your stoner friends laughed very hard, but stop.

I’m tired of whoring my Guitar Hero III stats with your namesake. Of the 403 “Mclovin” and 27 “Mcluvin” Live accounts, 9,655 games have been played. In an online setting where disconnect abuse and the inflated statistics are the norm, your combined win percentage of 51 percent is a travesty.

Prospective Live subscribers, do not make the same mistake these horrible Guitar Hero players did. If you really have that much trouble coming up with a gaming tag, there are plenty of Dragon Ball Z characters you can associate with a string of random numbers. To iterate a point Maddox once made: you are not the writers of Superbad, and you are not funny. Stop.